English language newspaper for Ibiza, published and online every week.

Dear Kate
I did a home pregnancy test a couple of days ago and it came up positive, I (we) am delighted and very excited, however we were planning to start trying once the summer was over and I had a chance to stop smoking and drinking for a while (we also occasionally do drugs, cocaine and MDMA, but haven't since February). So now I am feeling worried and guilty as I have carried on drinking and smoking for the last few weeks when I must have been pregnant. I am worried about 2 things a) that I might have harmed the baby and B) that I might find it impossible to stop altogether.
I have no symptoms of being pregnant and occasionally have found myself about to order a glass of wine because I have weirdly forgotten that I am, it seems so strange to be saying that I don't really understand how I can almost forget the most important thing that is happening to me but sometimes I have. Is that going to make me a bad mother? Do you think I am not committed to this pregnancy, I think I am but am beginning to wonder?
I hope you can offer me some helpful words, I know I must sound so selfish but I am being honest about what I am thinking and only think I can resolve this if I do get some help.
Thanks very much
XYZ

Dear XYZ,
Thank you for your e-mail and congratulations on your wonderful and exciting news, I understand the timing may not have been exactly as you had planned but you seem delighted and happy about becoming a mum.
You say you are worried about 2 things, firstly the health of the baby, I am not a doctor and would not dream of giving you any medical advise but what I would say is that many women at your stage often do not even know they are pregnant and go on to have healthy babies. Have you thought about going to your Dr and getting the pregnancy confirmed officially? He/she may also be able to give you advise on healthy eating/living and put you in touch with other ladies at the same stage as you.
Secondly you say you are worried about not being able to stop smoking and drinking. I wonder if you may still be in a mild form of shock from finding out you are pregnant and the reality possibly has not sunk in yet. What would it be like for you to spend a little bit of time processing and reflecting on the fact that there are lots of changes happening to your body right now and hormone changes will also be affecting you emotionally. Maybe if you spent some time focussing on the pregnancy rather then the smoking and drinking you will start to feel more connected with the idea than you do at the moment. I am sure it will not be long before you start to feel some symptoms and then it may be that you stop smoking and drinking because you want to rather then because you feel you should.
I have no doubt that you are committed to this pregnancy, if you weren't I don't think you would have taken the time to write to me, maybe be a bit more gentle to yourself, a little kinder and offer yourself more time to get used to the idea that life will soon be rather different.
I wish you all the very best for a healthy, relaxed and uneventful pregnancy, do keep in touch and let us know how you get on.
Warm Regards
Kate
Please keep the emails coming this is your page and remember you could be helping someone else by airing your concerns.
As ever the e-mail address is kate@ibizacounselling .com the web site can be found at www.ibizacousnelling.com and the blog at
www.thetherapypartnership.blogspot.com/

Kate Stillman - Counsellor / Psychotherapist
Confidential counselling in person or via Skype / Telephone
Land Line +34 971 325 120
Mobile: +34 650 122 554
Skype: Kate Stillman (Stillit)
From the UK: +44 208 144 1774
kate@ibizacounselling.com